I think I’m about halfway through the main Fallout3 narrative.  I just hit level 11 last night while finishing up the storyline bits in Vault 112. (I’m doing my best not to say anything that might spoil the game for people who haven’t played it so bear with me.)

It was after Vault 112 that I ran into the first game design issue that made me want to turn off my PS3—escorting NPCs.

Basically you are joined by someone who tells you that you need to go all the way across the map to get to the next part of the quest.  Um, ok… the game has taught you by now that you can travel instantly to any place you’ve already been, but this NPC takes off running at break-neck speed across the map and the story is such that I’m inclined to follow.  So we run and run and run and run and finally I’m like “fuck this guy, I’m teleporting my ass to Rivet City.”

So I do.  (being sure to save before hand incase I happen to break the game by doing so…)

I pop on over to where he told me to go, and he’s no where to be found.  I walk outside the city and note that I can see where he is on my little radar doohicky.  Rather than go back and find him, I decide to go talk to the scientist he’s coming to see.  Oh wait, there he is!  As soon as I talk to sciencechick he descends the staircase and proceeds to have a long conversation without any subtitles (which was awesome since I was playing with the sound practically off because my wife was sleeping.)

So now we’re joined by sciencechick to go off somewhere else.  Knowing now that I might not break the game by teleporting to the destination I do so.  Ok, so they aren’t here yet.  No worries, says I—I’ll use the “wait” feature.  So I wait 2 hours, nothing.  I wait another 2 hours and still nothing.  Super.  So off I go to find them.

I end up killing some super mutants (milk bottle to the face, sucka.) and the game updates my quest saying “go tell the people who were supposed to be with you that it’s ok to come in now.”  Um, sure.  Just one problem-I don’t know where they are.

I mosey around the building looking for where they might be hiding, or maybe a phone/intercom to call them and let them know that it’s ok to come in, but nothing.  I head out the door to save and teleport back to my house when its “OH HAI, HOW ARE YOU?!” there they are.

So now I have to “escort” them to the center of the building, which is possibly the most annoying thing in the world.  MMOs have taught me that when someone asks to be escorted anywhere you should expect ninjas to appear from nowhere and try to kill them.  So I stay close.  Here’s the issue with this: when your targetting recticle passes over the NPC, they stop to say something inane like “what can I do for you?” and pause for a full 10 seconds before continuing to move at the slowest pace in the history of the world. I know you can move fast, Mr. NPC-man.  I watched you book it across the wasteland for a good 10 minutes before I ditched your ass.  Stop talking to me and get to where you’re going… and keep an eye out for ninjas.

We get to the center of the building ninja-free, and they begin to mingle amongst themselves.  Um.  Guys?  Guys?  Over here.  I had a quest that you need to let me finish now please.  No, you can’t do anything for me.  Stop talking and finish my quest so I can go to bed.  Finally, he positioned himself in front o f a computer and I decided that maybe I should talk to him.  Voila!  My quest was done.

I went outside, saved, and went to bed.

Ugh.  Make interacting with NPCs beyond just dialogue not suck please.

While we’re on the subject can we discuss why/how I can teleport across the Capital Wasteland?  I appreciate it, don’t get me wrong—but how does it fit into the game world?  Has the radiation broken down my body like Sandman (from spiderman 3) allowing me to dissassemble myself and move through space at an increased velocity?  I wish they had explained it somehow.